Lost Day

Another milestone reached today in that I took the last of the Chemotherapy tablets - so no more chemo, no more antibiotics, no more anti-emetics and hopefully no more of the other tablets designed to cope with other side effects! And to celebrate?..... I slept! Dave took me for a quick trip down to the village to go to the Post Office, then came home and had to go for a lie down for a while and eventually woke up at 10.30pm! Good in some ways because I managed to sleep at all and if I'm sleeping I'm not sore, but definitely not good in others because I've completely lost a day and I probably won't manage to sleep all night now! Also messed up on the food front - all I've had is two slices of toast, some tortilla chips, a Magnum (!) and two plums.... Oh well, at least it's reasonably balanced and I don't have any appetite at all at the moment, so at least I don't feel hungry.

I've just finished reading Kate Mosse, "Labyrinth" which I started reading way back at the beginning of my treatment. Enjoyed it, but to be honest I probably prefer Dan Brown's interpretation of the Grail legend. I've got so many books lent from various people, it's going to be a while before I run out of reading material, but next one is going to be Queen Noor of Jordan's memoirs - "Leap of Faith - Memoirs of an Unexpected Life".

Radiotherapy Finished!

Well, my last Radiotherapy treatment has been done which is a major milestone, but to be honest has felt like a bit of an anticlimax. I spent much of the last couple of days of treatment running backwards and forwards to the loo and was really tired. It felt as though it was taking the last chance to extract the maximum amount of misery. Fortunately it was worst in the evening and during the night, so I didn't have any problems getting in and out to hospital which has been my biggest worry. The ladies in Radiotherapy explained that it will continue to burn away for a couple of days before things will start to heal.

The specialist nurses had a last look at my burns, and although things had taken a turn for the worse at the end of last week when everything got quite weepy and sore, they seemed to be pleased with progress this week. My skin has dried up a bit and although still weeping a bit it's much better than last week and in fact they said it looked as though the skin was beginning to heal which is unusual during treatment - usually doesn't happen until after treatment is finished. Hopefully that means that I'll heal more quickly and will be able to sit properly and move about more easily before too long. I'll be happy when I get to the stage that it's not painful to go to the loo. Still, considering before treatment started, they were saying that I might have to be admitted to hospital for the last couple of weeks for pain management, I think I've come out of it pretty well.

In a strange way, I'm going to miss seeing everyone every day. I feel like the security blanket of the daily visit to hospital and the knowledge that they're all keeping an eye on things has been taken away and my emotions have gone all to pot - I've been really weepy this last couple of days. Maybe it's just everything catching up with me now or the knowledge that I'm back to just waiting for news again.

My follow up appointment has been made for Tuesday 28th July, when I'll see the consultant and find out what the next step will be. I don't know whether I'll get any more scans or maybe another examination under anaesthetic, but it does concern me a bit how they'll be able to tell if all the cancer has gone. Will just have to be patient and wait and see.

The road to recovery is going to bring it's own trials which I'm definitely not going into here, but you can click here to read about some of the long term effects of radiotherapy. Suffice to say I came home from my last treatment with a wee kit that looks like something you'd buy in an Ann Summers shop!

On the home front, I've not been doing much the last few days as I've not been sleeping very well and then am tired during the day. A couple of friends came to visit on Sunday which was great, although I wasn't at my best so probably wasn't the best hostess! Dave went in to work yesterday, so my sister came out to walk the dog and help with some hoovering which was very much appreciated. I managed to do some washing and ironing, since it doesn't involve moving about too much, but was wiped out afterwards and had to go and have a lie down for a while.

The last of the cards from my friend Linda arrived at the end of last week - she definitely saved the best one till last!

The Longest Week

Only 4 more treatments to go after today, and although I'm on the home straight now, this has felt like the longest week so far because I'm so sore. It's little consolation that the nurses are quite pleased with how good things are still looking for this stage in the treatment (very red, but not quite raw) when just moving about is getting to be a bit of a trial and going to the loo is torture.

The biggest problem has been finding something to put on the skin that doesn't make things worse. The aquaeous cream that's not supposed to cause a reaction definitely makes me really itchy, as does the Intrasite gel which I was advised to mix into a bit of a magic potion with the Instillagel local anaesthetic. Good in theory - in practice, torture! Then I tried Aloe Vera gel on it's own, but because the skin is quite weepy, that dried to a crust which made walking painful. Now I'm trying Aloe Vera gel with Hydrosorb gel dressings on top so that things don't dry out too much - a bit itchy, but not as bad as the other stuff so fingers crossed I can keep up with that.

Otherwise, I still feel pretty well - tired, as I'm not getting much sleep, but not as bad as I thought I would be at the end of Week 5!

This card arrived in the post yesterday from Linda, who's been sending all the "Thoughts for the Day". It's by Alaskan painter Barbara Lavallee and is called "Eskimos and Calicos" - came all the way from Alaska too! I love this sort of thing - both the style of painting, the colours and the subject - so I'm going to get it framed when I'm out and about again.

More Smiles!

Just wanted to share these, which arrived all the way from Australia yesterday and made me smile.


Thank you for the picture Beth - it's up on the wall just now, and when I am better I'll keep it in my folder with all my cards.

The card which arrived with the picture seemed particularly appropriate too - fingers crossed I'm well on my way!

Poppy's Visit

Poppy came to visit today. She's a rescued Bichon Frise who has come to live with my friend Sandra. She's only been with her new mum for a couple of months, but has already settled in and looks well and happy, and this was her first visit to see us.

At first Brodie wasn't quite sure what to make of this little white fur ball who had emptied his toy box....


But soon he'd relaxed enough to have a bit of a lie down (surprise, surprise!)


And they even managed to have a game of tuggies, which looks well for lots of walks together in the future! Whoever said money can't buy happiness, forgot little puppies!

John Wayne

Can’t believe it’s the end of Week 4 already – just 8 more radiotherapy treatments after today and 10 more days of chemo tablets. Generally speaking, I feel pretty well at the moment as the nausea is under control and although I still don’t have any appetite, I am now managing to eat very small portions of normal food again, rather than odd cravings.

Sadly though t’other end isn’t faring quite so well, and I’ve got a bit of a John Wayne waddle going on. The itch isn’t quite so bad, but the gel I was given brought it’s own problems in that the last lot had to be washed off before any more could be applied, and that in itself was taking more skin off – I’m down to the third layer in places, but thankfully it’s not completely raw yet. Rather than have to wash quite so often, I asked the nurses whether it would be OK to use some Aloe Vera gel I had in the house as quite a lot of people recommended it on the Macmillan website. They said to give it a go, and it does seem to have slowed down the deterioration a bit so fingers crossed.

The other problem is going to the loo, which towards the end of the week I have to do A LOT! It feels like passing broken glass just now and that’s only going to get worse before it gets better, but at the moment it’s bearable.

Because of the skin rubbing when I walk, I’ve not been quite so mobile over the last couple of days, but have managed to get another piece of needlework finished (sorry Linda!). This was a piece of canvaswork I started at the Embroiderer’s Guild summer school in Stirling last year. The tutor was Jill Carter who has written a book on this and also the Hardanger book I was using for the last sample I finished, both of which I’ve had out of the library for MONTHS! She was a VERY posh lady, but tremendous fun although I’m not quite sure what she thought about the two disruptive pupils sitting at the side!

Yum, Yum!

Another quickie for today.... look what arrived in the post this morning! A little Ebay treat to myself. Some girls are into diamonds, some are into shoes and clothes, my thing is fabric and threads (and looking at me today you can definitely tell!) Now, to the uninitiated, this probably looks like a load of old tatt, but for me this represents hours of entertainment. Not actually doing with it you understand - just looking at the pretty colours. My stitching friends will know exactly what I mean. AND it was an absolute bargain - honest! Ebay is a VERY dangerous place to be when you're off work with too much time on your hands and no money...

Itch, Scratch!

Well, there are definitely more ticks on my treatment tracker than not now, and tomorrow is another landmark in that I start the second phase of radiotherapy - three zaps concentrated on a more specific area, rather than two zaps on a wider area - so the wee blighter should really be on the run then!

Unfortunately the side effects of the radiotherapy are really beginning to make themselves felt now - think sunburned and blistering chicken skin and you're coming close to imagining what my groin looks like at the moment - nae bonny! Apparently, however, for this stage of the game it's still not too bad and isn't painful yet but I do have a MADDENING ITCH and the area is just too tender to scratch - not that I'd want to be clawing at myself in public anyway!!!

It was so bad on Sunday night / Monday morning that I only got about three hours sleep and was up ironing at 3.30 am, just for something to do to take my mind off it a bit. Was just about in tears by morning, but luckily there's always a solution for everything. I saw angel nurse Linda after my radiotherapy who took advice from the tissue viability team, and I now have anti-histamines, a new gel and a cooling dressing for emergencies! The gel definitely seems to work, but the only problem is that it has to be applied an eighth of an inch thick, so it is REALLY messy! The two options are to apply it direct to the skin and go commando so the air can get to everything, which definitely feels better but means that your clothes get clarted, or (and apologies to the boys for this one!) apply in a layer on a sanitary towel and risk the resulting friction. At this point Dave is reading over my shoulder and feeling a bit queasy himself. He thinks maybe you don't need quite this level of detail, but I DID say you were going to get it all!
Anyway, a combination of both seems to be in order depending on the situation!

On a lighter note I've finished another of my stitching samples and got it into my book - again, it doesn't all fit onto the scanner. This is the one I was doing the day I was in hospital for my Examination Under Anaesthetic, which caused everyone so much amusement. At least they were taking an interest I suppose. I quite enjoyed this as it was easy to transport - small and with only a couple of threads and easy stitches, so passed the time without having to concentrate too much.

Week 3

The Simulator appointment on Thursday went quite well – not too much waiting about, but was a bit disappointed as they couldn’t tell me much about the demise of the tumour. Apparently the Simulator only uses X-Rays, so they can’t actually see whether it’s shrunk, but they did say that if I feel that it has then that’s probably the best indicator at this stage. I could see the consultant at the other side of the window, but didn’t get to speak to him, but really there was nothing except for that I wanted to ask. Got more “targets” marked on for the second phase of radiotherapy and more little permanent tattooed dots, then back through to the waiting room to see Linda, the nurse.

She weighed me again (up a pound on last time) went through all my side effects in great detail, checked my mouth for ulcers (none so far) my hands for redness and my fingers for splits (apparently the tips of your fingers and toes can break out and split which would be horrible – again, nothing so far), and took some more blood for checking before I get my second lot of drugs. I don’t feel so queasy now, but I still don’t have any appetite, so it’s still quite a challenge to find things that I want to eat except for Starburst Oozers and smokey bacon crisps!

Back to the waiting room again to wait to be called for my radiotherapy – it’s just as well there are plenty of magazines to keep Dave occupied! There was still a bit of a queue as the machines were still being serviced, so I was taken though to one of the older ones to save having to wait so long. It’s smaller and a bit noisier, and apparently they are limited as to who can be treated on it, but if it saves time and still does the job it suits me fine!

Friday was a bit of a wait again, so was taken through to the older machine. Then up to Ward 15 to collect my chemo drugs for the second 3-week phase. Just the same dose as last time, but I was disappointed to get 15 days worth again – I thought I’d only be taking them for as long as I have radiotherapy and there are only 13 more of those to go! I suppose another two days won’t make much difference…..

So, what have we been doing to fill the time between hospital appointments? Dave has started to put up the poly tunnel. It’s only been waiting in the garage for a year, but to be fair, we didn’t have much of a run of good weather last year to be able to get going with it. Of course, at this time of year, you can’t do much in the garden without attracting an audience…

I’ve been catching up with little sewing and crafting projects – it would be nice to get going with something bigger, but I find that I get tired quite quickly and also can’t concentrate on anything for any length of time. Still, at least I can feel like the time hasn’t been completely wasted. At Embroiderer’s Guild the workshop theme this year was “Around the World in 80 Stitches”, and we’ve made small samples of different techniques from around the world. The idea was to make them into a fabric book, but I don’t have that much suitable fabric and I don’t have the patience for that anyway, so I decided to start making them into a scrapbook instead – does the same job, quicker to do and can be added to at any time (or not!!!)

I also want to get some more of my proper scrapbook done – we inherited loads of old photos from my grandparents, and I want to do some sort of family tree/record sort of thing. So far, I’ve only done a couple of pages with my sister and me, so I need to get some more photos copied and get on with it. The pages are 12x12 inches and don’t fit on the scanner, but at least you get an idea.

Flowers, Cards and Balloons!

It’s been a pretty uneventful week so far, appointments have been fairly straightforward apart from the fact that the radiotherapy machines are being serviced this week, so you never know which zapper you’re going to be on from day to day. I’ve been able to eat much better this week, which makes me feel better generally, although I’m not back onto “normal” food yet – still just very bland stuff. The sunburn doesn’t seem to have progressed too much, but I’m ladling on the aquaeous cream at every opportunity just to be sure. It’s a messy job, but it has to be done! I saw the nurse on Monday who checked everything out and said it’s all looking pretty good – no broken skin as yet, but she said to avoid anything that’s going to cause friction – definitely no tights (Oh no – I feel very vulnerable without my 40 deniers!!!) and go commando if at all possible! That’s probably a picture you don’t want to hold on to… oddly liberating though, but not a practice I intend to carry on with once all this is over you’ll be glad to know.

I’ve got my Simulator appointment tomorrow afternoon – they’ll take some more images of my pelvic area to see if the tumour is running for cover yet. I keep wanting to write Stimulator, but I don't think that's the same thing at all!!! I’ll hopefully be able to see the consultant again to find out how he thinks things are progressing and then collect my second lot of drugs for the rest of the treatment.

In the absence of any drama, I thought I’d share some of the things that have made me laugh and cry over the last couple of weeks – sometimes both at the same time!

The flowers below arrived from “The Team” before I’d even gone off properly sick. A huge surprise and almost 4 weeks on I’ve still got some of them left – thank you all again!

One of the ladies at work also left me this card. She knows I do some stitching myself, and the embroidery on the front was done by a lady who used to go to my branch of Embroiderer’s Guild that she also knew, but who sadly died earlier this year. It’s beautiful – such a lot of work has gone into this and also the inside of the card.

The next flowers arrived from “The Gang” on one of my lowest days and are the ones which made me cry and laugh at the same time. They gave me a real boost when I needed it so thanks to you all too – looking forward to sharing a Glayva when this is all finished (except for two obvious exclusions – for now anyway!)

We went for lunch with Dave’s mum the other day who’s just come back from a trip to Australia, and she brought this little sweetie back from his sister and her family. He’s sitting in the bedroom at the moment where I can see his cute wee smile every morning. I’ve not said a proper thank you for him yet – too engrossed in the magazine he arrived with!

And then today an ENORMOUS box arrived with the postie. We couldn’t think what it could be – neither of us thought we’d ordered anything that would come in anything bigger than a jiffy bag. We did laugh when the balloons popped out! The tissue paper and little pink stars in the box are being saved for crafty projects and I even managed a couple of the chocolates that came with them. Another gift from “The Team” that should last long enough to see me though my first few check ups after the treatment is over! Never thought I’d be able to say it, but I love my job and can’t wait to get back.

Last but definitely not least, one of my friends went off on the holiday of a lifetime to Canada and Alaska just before my treatment started. Now she usually picks up some stitching things or a seed beed or two (hundred) wherever she goes, but I said I didn’t want anything back this time, except a postcard from every destination! I didn’t really think I’d get one from everywhere, but good as her word a few days after they arrived in Canada, the postcards started arriving – too many to show them all here, but 13 in total! I’ve really enjoyed matching them to the itinerary and looking at some of the hotels on the internet, even though I am GREEN with envy! Looking forward to seeing all the photos now.

But it doesn’t end there – now she’s sending a thought for the day – every day! Yer aff yer heid, but you’re getting a big hug when I see you next! This is my favourite one so far.

But please don’t think that I need “stuff” to appreciate everyone who has either phoned, emailed, written or visited. Every bit of contact, even if it’s just the occasional funny has been gratefully received over the last few weeks. I’ve been humbled by the kindness everyone has shown, especially when I don’t think I’ve always deserved it. I’m rich in honest friends indeed!

Week 2

Thought it was about time for another update, but this one comes with a health warning – the side effects are definitely beginning to kick in now!

Woke up on Monday morning feeling pretty chirpy, took my anti-nausea pills, followed by the painkillers half an hour later then got up to have a shower. By the time I’d finished felt really queasy again – the kind where your mouth goes dry and you can’t produce any saliva, which is a bit of a problem since I’m supposed to take the chemo tablets with food! By the time I’d got half way through my first slice of toast and had taken two out of the seven tablets, I knew I wasn’t going to make it any further and had to make a dash…. I will spare you the detail here. Wasn’t sure what to do then because although I felt MUCH better, I couldn’t face eating anything else, so I phoned the Oncology nurses to find out what to do. They truly are wonderful people – I don’t know how they deal with folks like me day in and day out with the detail that they have to ask. Anyway, outcome was that they said to forget about the morning’s dose and that someone would come and see me when I was in for my radiotherapy.

VERY impressed with the chain of information – by the time I got in, the girls in radiotherapy knew I’d phoned in and an appointment with one of the nurses had been organised. After speaking to the nurse and a doctor, I was prescribed different once-a-day anti-nausea pills to try, but they said that these can cause drowsiness so to take them just before bed time. So that was Monday, the rest of which was slept or soaked away!

Tuesday morning I woke up feeling really groggy – heavy head, heavy limbs, and very weepy but not quite so sick. Poor Dave, it must be like living with a toddler! First tears of the day when I couldn’t find any tinned peaches for breakfast, which of course were the ONLY thing I could face! Made do with pears until he found them in another cupboard…(oops!) Then, some beautiful flowers arrived from The Gang (I’ll do those a separate post), which made me burst into tears again! In a good way though!!!

By Tuesday evening, I was still feeling queasy, still couldn’t face much to eat and then the gurgly guts started. Some of you will know that this is the thing I’ve dreaded most of all and I hoped to get a reprieve for a but longer… Still if it keeps to the same pattern of happening in the evening, then at least it’s going to be manageable.

And so the week continued, still feeling pretty sick most of the time, still having gurgly guts in the evening, culminating in having to sprint (ok, slow shuffle) to the loo. If I'd been offered anything at all in the world to eat, with anyone to cook it for me, the only thing I could come up with for a few days was Jelly Babies! My sister-in-law is undergoing treatment for breast cancer in Australia at the moment and although when we found out (the day before my first hospital appointment) we were horrified, I must admit that it's been reassuring to have someone to compare treatments and after effects with and to know that she's having exactly the same cravings for fizzy cola bottles! My sister came out for a couple of days to take me into hospital and give Dave a break from all the driving, and give me a hand about the house which was great. I’m afraid I wasn’t much company for her though!

On Thursday, it was really quiet in radiotherapy, so we managed to take some photos of the waiting area – it’s much better than the average hospital clinic waiting area – they’ve obviously made an effort for those who have to be there every day! Had another appointment with the nurse who said that the consultant wanted to have some bloods taken so they could decide whether to try any other different anti-emetics, or whether to admit me and put me on a drip. Fortunately on Friday the blood results came back OK – a little anaemic, but nothing to worry about yet and liver and kidney function both fine. So now have further tablets to take – one in the morning and one in the evening.

The only bit of excitement during the week was Thursday afternoon when I woke up from my now customary afternoon snooze to the sound of flapping wings. Looked up to see a swallow doing circuits round the dining room ceiling. First thought was “AAARRRGGGHHH!!” Closely followed by “OMG it’s going to poop EVERYWHERE!!” Luckily by the time my chemo brain had clicked into gear, it had crashed into the window, nutted itself and was sitting a little stunned behind an orchid, so managed to catch it, make sure it was ok, and send it on it’s way out the window. No poops!

That brings the total number of unwelcome feathered visitors to this house to 3. First was a pied wagtail, which came in through the bedroom window and perched on the bedside light. Didn’t seem to be put out at all and I did eventually manage to persuade it to leave by the same route, but not before it’d made a mess all over my newly-changed bed! Not best pleased…. The second one was a robin which I’d already put out of the utility room but came back in again and managed to get through to the dining room. Found it sitting in the window waiting to be let out, but again, not before it had left it’s mark on the blinds! In summer if we’re in, the back door is always open for the dog and more often than not, all the windows too, to give the inevitable flies and wasps an escape route. Maybe we need to get some screens like they have abroad!

I’ve been feeling much better this weekend – have even managed to eat some decent meals, and had a wee walk down the lane, which should set me up for whatever is to come in the week ahead. I think the radiotherapy burns are going to be more evident from this week – I can start to feel them now. Supposed to be a bit like sunburn, but in unmentionable places! It’s a pity because for the last couple of days I’ve not needed any painkillers at all – keep your fingers crossed for me!